High…….

Sweat was dripping into my eyes and burning from my makeup that was still left on since early in the morning. There was a pain in my right knee and I can’t stop counting the seconds and each 10th of a mile. My shorts are too big and I have to tighten the draw string over and over again. The basement is damp from the recent rain and my iPod is playing a song that’s just too slow. I feel dehydrated and exhausted and wonder what in the world I am doing running in the basement, (with the spiders) at 9:00 at night. And then…

My breathing slows down. The perfect song comes on and I no longer feel the pain in my knee. I look straight ahead instead of at my treadmill clock. I can feel the music in my muscles. I feel like I could run forever. My mind wanders onto other things. Good things. I feel light as a feather and better than I had all day. Next thing I know, I’ve run for 50 minutes and stop only because it’s so late.

At that moment, there is no place I would rather be. That is why I run. That is why I run at 9:00 at night in a dark, damp basement after working a 10 hour day.

I have heard of the “runner’s high”. I never believed it was real. Now I know there’s nothing better.

A night in the life of Lisa…

My child does not sleep through the night. Ever.

Neither do my dogs. I know, it’s ridiculous.

Some nights I feel like I spend more time out of bed than I do in it. I know that’s an exaggeration, but at 3:30 in the morning….

And… ACTION:

zzzzzzzzzz

12:50am – (Kaela)- “wa, wa”

12:51am- (Me)- thinking I will ignore it and it will stop

12:52am-(Kaela)-”waaaaaaaaaaa, AHHHHHHHHHHH,WWWWAAAAAA”

12:53am-(Me)- out of bed pouring milk into a sippy cup, shoving it in her cry-hole and searching for the pacifier in the dark… shoving that into the aforementioned cry-hole, putting the milk back into the fridge, tiptoeing back to bed trying not to wake the whole street with my creaky floors.

zzzzzzzzzz

3:16am-(Oscar)- “cry, cry, cry”

3:17am-(me)- rolling over trying to pretend he was just talking in his sleep or that I was dreaming.

3:17am-(Devon)- sleep, dream, snore

3:18am-(Oscar)- “mmm, mmmmm, let me pee, let me pee” (okay, maybe he doesn’t really say that, but it sounds like it)

3:19am-(Me)- jumping up to let the dumb dog outside so he doesn’t wake up the baby.

3:20am-(Kaela)-”Waaaaaaaaaa, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa”

3:21am-(Me)- “you stupid dogs, LAY DOWN, SHUT UP *$#$&%#$*%#”

3:21am-(Devon)- sleep, dream, snore

3:22am-(Me)- going into Kaela’s room, finding pacifier again- it’s always under her back or her neck, shoving it into her mouth, creeping back to bed.

zzzzzzzzzz

4:50am-(DOGS)- “Cry, cry, feed me, feed me”- they don’t understand daylight savings time and think it’s time for breakfast.

4:51am-(me)- “SHUT UP!!!!”- in a whispering yell.

4:55am-(DOGS)- “Cry, cry, feed me, I’m hungry. Feed Me!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

4:56am-(Devon)- sleep, dream, snore

4:56am-(me)- get out of bed again so the dogs don’t wake up the sleeping monster-child and feeding them so I can put them outside and get my last hour of sleep.

5:05am-(me)- tip-toe back to bed past Kaela’s room and lay there for 20 minutes trying to get back to sleep.

zzzzzzzzzz

6:05am- (Alarm clock)- “beeeeeeeeep, beeeeeeeeeep.”

6:05am- (me)- hitting snooze as fast as I can and look over at Devon and think about dumping a bucket of cold water on his face.

6:05am (Devon)- sleep, dream, snore.

6:15am- (Me) give up, decide to get revenge later, getting out of bed to get ready for work.

And… scene.

Kaela-ism’s

I never knew that toddlers could be funny. I mean, they are kind of funny looking with their big heads and their drunken walks. It’s fun to laugh at them when they throw a fit and it’s kind of hilarious when they get mad because you won’t let them eat that clump of dog hair or that penny under the couch covered in dog hair. But I didn’t realize they could have these funny little personalities and it’s probably the best part of having kids, so far.

Example 1:

Instead of being insane baby-proofers, we decided to just teach our little smarty-pants where she is allowed to go in the house and where she can’t go and what she can’t touch (the fire place, the wine bottles, the dog bowls). She understands “no” and for the most part, we thought our little plan was working. The problem with our logic is that anything we say “no” to, becomes the most interesting thing in the room and so we are not as smart as we thought we were we may have to come up with a plan B.
The good thing is that whenever she decides to break the rule and go play on the fireplace or splash the water out of the dog bowls, she tells us she is about to do it. When she is about 5 steps away, she looks right at us and says “no, no, no, no, no” in the cutest little baby voice. She gets this big smile on her face and then I just have to pick her up and hug her and tickle her. I’m sure I am rewarding the behavior, but I can’t help myself.

Example 2:

Everything is a phone to Kaela. She picks up random things around the house and holds them to her ear like a phone. Then she says “Hewo, Hey!” (she can’t say the “L” sound). She uses the TV remotes, a corn holder, her blankie and anything else that will fit in her little hand. She will probably want a cell phone when she is 3. Of course when anyone is really on our phones and wants to talk to her she stares at the phone and is completely silent.

Example 3:

Kaela has a pretty big vocabulary for her age, but her favorite saying is “I know”. She says it all the time. It usually comes out when she is tired or upset about something. She will fall down and say “I know, I know”. It cracks me up.

She also gets some of her new words confused. She uses the word “baby” for so many different things. She knows that a baby is a baby. She also calls her blanket a “bebies” and she calls books “babbies” and every child, regardless of their age is a “baby”. She shouts it out too. Some times these big kids hear her and seem a little offended.

She has also been calling Devon “mommy” a lot lately. I think it’s funny. He doesn’t.

Well, for the real reason you are reading this… pictures!

” You can’t tell me what to do”

“I will eat that off the floor if I want to”

“Get that camera out of my face!”

“I’m not doing anything…”

7 years…

When I think back to October 7, 2002, there are gaps in my memories. I remember getting ready for the ceremony and struggling to get my fake eyelashes on with my fake nails. (I’m one of those natural girls!!) I remember my dad walking me down the stairs and trying not to trip on my new heals. I remember thinking how odd it was to wear heals in the sand… on the beach. I remember trying not to cry and hoping my husband-to-be didn’t change his mind at the last minute and hop a boat to Cuba.

We stood together in the scorching heat of the Keys and said “I do” to each other and to our flamboyantly gay wedding official and it was a beautiful day.

So much has changed and so much has remained the same. We still constantly make fun of each other and we laugh a lot… mostly at ourselves.

7 years isn’t very long, but after moving 7 times in 2 different states, one fat cat, one skinny cat stolen by our neighbors, 2 dogs, trips to Costa Rica, FL, GA, SC, VA, NJ, NY, DC, VT, WV and multiple layovers in so many airports and hundreds of miles in the car, and hundreds of great meals in fantastic restaurants and hundreds in those that are not so great, bottles and bottles of wine, at least 6 different jobs, and one beautiful child…..

I can’t wait to see what the next 7 years brings.

Breathless…

Tomorrow I’m running in another 5k race. I have not been very excited about it or even set any goals for myself to run faster or run harder. I signed up. I was going to show up and it I did better than last time, fine. If not, whatever. I was unmotivated.

That was until yesterday.

I received some horrible news that someone so special and close to me suffered a horrible loss. Only someone in her shoes could possibly understand how she feels. She was expecting a child in January and had a very late term miscarriage. She wanted this child so badly and had spent years trying to successfully conceive. This was supposed to be her turn, her baby. And everyone will say there is a reason this happened. I know in my mind that this child was not right for this world but in my heart I think nature is cruel and why her? I feel like this pain is too much for her to handle alone. I want to take some of it away. I guess it’s like when your child is sick and you wish you could just be sick for them so they don’t have to suffer. But I know there is nothing I can do. There is nothing I can say. I hate feeling so helpless.

So tomorrow morning I will get up early, I will put on my running shoes and I will run for her. I will run because she can’t.. her heart is broken. I will run hard and fast because maybe if I am struggling, she won’t have to. Maybe if I am out of breath, she will be able to catch hers, even if it’s just for a moment.

One Year…

Kaela turned one last week and I can’t believe how fast that year went by.

So much happened since she was born…in our lives and around the world.

Just to name a few… we have a new president (finally!), Michael Jackson died, the economy went in the toilet, I got a promotion, Devon started his own business, and our best friends moved back to the states from being stationed in Okinawa for 4 long years. One of our dogs had major knee surgery and I got food poisoning for the first time. Kaela took her first airplane ride, got to play in the ocean and she started crawling.

(Well, not crawling in the traditional sense. I call it the “reach and scoot”.)

She has a pretty big vocabulary for a one year old. She says dog, hi, dada, uh-oh, mama (sometimes), ya, ny-ny, look, wight (for light), bird, ffffffffdog (for frog), and I’m sure I’m forgetting some others.

We lost many, many hours of sleep. We worried a lot and grew lots of new grey hairs. It has been a great year of watching her grow and learn and develop into a toddler. I can’t believe she is already a toddler. She has already developed a toddler attitude and toddler frustrations. I thought I would have some more time before all this started…

I already see glimpses of the person she is becoming and I love what I see. She is strong-willed, funny, empathetic, smart, loving and social.

She is also stubborn, mischievous, and frankly a little violent. (She’s a slapper, a scratcher and a biter…) Hopefully she will grow out of all that!

I can definitely say that this has been the most difficult and the most rewarding year of my life and I’m sure Devon would agree. I can’t wait to see what the next year will bring and I may look into a self-defense class!

Vacation and celebration…

I can’t wait. I feel like a little kid at 5am on Christmas morning… waiting impatiently for my parents to get up so I can open my presents. (Not that I ever did that, I have always loved to sleep!) We have been planning this for almost a year.

Vacation heals me.

I need time. I need time away from work and time with my friends and my family. I need to unwind, deflate and laugh until I pee. I need to hug my friends in person and get to know their children.

I didn’t grow up with an extended family around. To me, my friends are my extended family (but better because I chose them and wasn’t just born with matching blood types).

I am so lucky to have friends that I want to share a vacation with.
To want to share 3 bathrooms between 20 people, share my toothpaste, share tears of laughter, share bottles of wine, share great conversation and share memories.

I want Kaela to grow up knowing these people. I want her to ask who I am talking to on the phone and know right away who I mean. When I say “Mommy’s friend, Sarah”, I want her to be able to picture her red hair and freckled skin. When I say I am talking to Kassia, I want her to be able to hear her great laugh. We are taking the first step in making this a reality.

So I am going (in two days!). I will be back in a week with a lot of pictures to share and hopefully renewed energy and a million new memories.

More cousins…

Last year, when my sister-in-law told us that she was going to have another baby, we were shocked so excited! We knew the babies would only be about 2 months apart. They would grow up together and be best friends. That is our plan and we are trying to start them young. Jayce is a happy, adorable, chunky monkey! You can’t help but fall in love with him the minute you see the little munchkin. He came to visit his only favorite cousin last week and we took them both to dinner. They were so cute together. We looked like idiots trying to get them to smile for the camera at the same time…. No such luck! But here’s what we did get…

10 Months…

Dear Kaela,

You are 10 months old now and I really wanted to tell you about all of the amazing things that you do. I wanted to tell you about the amazing person that you already have become. Some things just don’t fit into a baby book.

1. When I put you over my shoulder to burp you after a big bottle, you pat my back to burp me at the same time.

2. You love to say the word “dog”. I don’t think anyone can really understand how many times you say it each day. You call me dog. You say it with a deep southern accent. I’m not sure that you are mine.

3. You are eating everything we put in front of you. You might chew on it for 30 minutes first, but you never spit anything out. Again, I’m not sure you are my child.

4. You love to be held, but you hate to cuddle.

5. You like to slap the dogs in the face and they sit there and let you. You think that is hilarious.

6. You want to crawl so badly. Your frustration level increases every day that you can’t destroy the house.

7. You are growing 6 teeth at one time and that makes you scream like we are stabbing you in the eye. So cute.

8. You try to dive out of my arms when I am holding you but cry when I put you down. When you are exhausted, you don’t want to sleep and when you are starving, you are too upset to eat. You make this job too easy!

9. You love to look at yourself in the mirror.

10. You have the ability to make me forget about my bad day at work with just one smile.

Love,
Mommy (a.k.a. dog)

Cousins…

Last weekend, Kaela got to hang out with her cousin Jackson. My sister and her husband came for a long overdue visit. Jackson was very excited to see “baby Kaela”! Not sure why she is always baby Kaela, but it sure was cute. It was also cute how he kept calling her a boy and asking why “he” did this or if this was “his” favorite toy. It was a quick visit so we didn’t do much besides eat… which is really all we ever do when people visit! We did have one request from my dad to take a picture of them together. Of course we completely forgot until the last minute. They were on their way out the door and Kaela was screaming her head off because she really needed a nap. We threw them on the couch together and Devon took out his iPhone and this is it… really, this is it. Next time they are together, I promise we will take more. Maybe I can even get Kassia to take some this summer…